Ever feel like your life is one big science experiment and God just shaped your petri dish like a house?
Got up late this morning. Kids had VBS at 9 this morning and I didn’t get up until 8:24.
BUT, I managed to get them ready and out the door in time to be able to slide in to the church parking lot RIGHT on time. (Thank God we’d done baths the night before.)
Walk outside and the horse that should be in the pasture behind our house is standing in the yard in front of our house. UGH! He had pushed the fence over a bit and jumped it. The other two were going nuts trying to figure out how to join him in his new found freedom. I catch him and put him in the backyard temporarily so I can get the kids to VBS. Get home and he’s pushed the fence (this is all chain link, mind you) over and jumped it to get back into the pasture he originally jumped out of!! I walk over to him and he’s happily munchin on grass and looking at me like “what?”. I’m going to shoot him.
Ok, so I’m not really going to shoot him…but for a second there I did fantasize about it… ;)
I still couldn’t shake that nagging feeling that something is just not right with Faith. I had to increase her insulin AGAIN today. Finally got her blood sugar down to her target at around 430 this afternoon. I was so worried she was going to crash tonight. She started to dip down in the 100’s and I was bracing for a low. But, it didn’t come. I don’t know what would bother me more at this point, the low I’m expecting after giving her all this extra insulin OR the fact that she’s not low after giving her all this extra insulin!
I emailed Dr C today and asked if he thought we might be overlooking something. I trust his judgment fully, but nobody is perfect. Plus, the symptoms he got to witness at the hospital didn’t match what she’s been doing at home for the past week. I expressed to him that I just had alot of anxiety since leaving the hospital yesterday. Within 20 minutes of sending that email he’d responded saying he had discussed it with our regular pediatrician and she wants to see us in the morning. I appreciated his quick response. It may be nothing. I’m probably just paranoid, but I just don’t have peace about it yet.
My poor kiddos. I feel like there are times when I can’t think or talk about anything but Faith’s blood sugar, or carbohydrates, or insulin. And managing this disease is stressful and doesn’t always bring out the most patient gracious side of mommy. Some days I don’t know how I can keep doing this, and of course don’t know how I can NOT keep doing this. It’s just so overwhelming and all consuming at times. Thankfully the kids are so good about all of this. There hasn’t been any jealousy among them from the fact that Faith gets so much attention. Chuck and I have tried really hard to prevent jealousy. We’ve talked to them about it and tried to make time for each of them. They seem to somehow understand that she just needs a little extra attention right now. I’m so proud of them and so humbled, but I need to do better. They don’t deserve the snippy, short-tempered, stressed out mommy that they end up with most days. Gonna have to pray and work harder on that.
So, tonight I’m clearing the table after supper and I hear the horses making a commotion and think to myself “…ugh…bet Zipper is out again”. About this time I hear the kids yelling, “mommy, someone is here!” Go to the door and it’s one of my neighbors that I’ve yet to meet. (Well until he introduced himself on my porch at that moment) “Ma’am, do you have a big sorrel horse?”
Grr, he’s out again.
I go to the barn and get a bucket of feed and a halter. As I’m walking back I hear cars slowing down and honking. Zipper is standing in the middle of the major highway that we live on! Praise God no one hit him. That would have been disastrous. I call him up and put the halter on him. Thank the neighbors that notified me he was out. Met the other neighbors that pulled up to make sure he was in fact my horse and not one of the other neighbors’. And put him IN A STALL. He will be living in the barn until Chuck gets home to fortify the fences.
As I’m doing all this I’m thinking to myself, “What is God trying to teach me? And WHY am I such a slow learner??” If I didn’t have bad luck these past few months I’d have none at all! If he’s trying to teach me to rely on him, I’m trying to get that. If he’s trying to show me who my real friends are, I’m starting to get that too. If he’s trying to show me that he can use those around me to bless me and meet my needs…and how to accept those blessings… I’m sure starting to get that one as well. As much hardship and heartache we’ve endured these past few months we’ve also received amazing blessings from those around us. It’s been incredible and come from the most unexpected places! We are truly thankful for that. BUT, I gotta tell ya, sometimes I wish I could get the cliffs notes version of this life and the lessons He’s trying to teach me.
I often say I wish he’d write it on the wall in pink crayon... Pink crayon, because in my mind that would make a hand writing on the wall a little less creepy and intimidating.
So, until he sends me the cliffs notes version, and I get life all figured out, I guess I’ll keep writing down what He’s teaching me…or what I’m failing miserably to learn…and keep praying that somehow my poor kiddos manage to escape all of this relatively unscathed.