Right after Faith was diagnosed with Type 1 I had a (well meaning, I’m sure) lady come up to me and tell me that God had sent her to talk to me. She told me that God didn’t want Faith to have Type 1 and I should reject the diagnosis. She even had the audacity to lay hands on my baby and pray that Faith’s parents would catch a vision for how God would (not could, would) heal her if we had enough faith. Forgive me, but I think she was used as a mouthpiece that day, but it wasn’t by God.
I know God could heal her. It would be nothing for him to. But, when I look at what God has done in Faith’s life already, and the people she has touched, I can’t help but feel (or KNOW) that this is his plan for her. Her life and story are touching people in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Do I like this plan? No. Would I choose this path for my baby girl if it were my choice? No. I can’t (or won’t) believe that this is a punishment or a burden she is straddled with due to my lack of faith. I’ll be the first person to tell you that I could use/need/desire more faith, but to imply that Faith’s living with diabetes is a direct result of my lack of it is ridiculous. I can’t tell you how that thought makes me feel.
We were never promised an easy life, but we were promised that He’d be there with us through it. I for one can tell you that I have found this to be true. There are so many ways that God has ministered to us during this and made himself known. I have never felt him working so intimately in my life as I have through all of this. It’s goose-bumply at times.
Today has been a rough day (there seems to be a pattern here lately), but it was made easier by the people that God has placed in our lives. Most as a direct result of her diagnosis. To know that there are people out there praying for us and seeing the direct result of those prayers INCREASES my faith more than my denying this diagnosis (and thus KILLING my daughter) ever could have.
I think of Jake, who was diagnosed just about a year and a half ago. Or Lydia. Or Jeremy. Or Logan. How different my experience (and countless others) would be if they had not developed Type 1. As a result of their lives, and the faith and compassion of their families, I have had my Tyler Type 1 family to walk this diabetes road with me. I really don’t know how I’d have gotten through these last 7 months without God placing them in my life. You can’t tell me that God hasn’t orchestrated all of this.
I for one find God most often in the valley. Why would that be if he didn’t intend to reveal himself to me there? I’m no theologian or great student of the Bible, just a believer trying to figure this stuff out. I don’t know why this is what’s on my heart today, but it is.
Anyway, when my husband reads this post he will probably tell me that I sounded a bit rude. He’s always telling me that. :) If the lady that said those things to me almost 7 months ago happens to read this, I hope you will think long and hard about this. I’m sure you meant it in love, but it cut deep. I have no intention of calling you out and sharing your name with anyone who asks. I’m just sharing the introspection that your words to me caused.
This blog thing is funny. It feels like I’m just writing my thoughts down in a private setting to sort them out for myself. The reality is that anyone can read them. That leaves me feeling vulnerable, but something I feel called to do. I hope that my ranting does some good some where for some one and please know that this post isn’t meant to hurt anyone.