Perspective

Just an ordinary medicine cup, but take a look inside...

Looks pretty innocuous, right?  

This drop, this tiny drop, is 15 units of insulin.  

Two days worth for Faith.  

If withheld, it could make Faith sick enough to kill her.  

If given all at once it would kill her.

I read once that insulin is one of only two medicines that a nurse has to get another nurse to double check before administering to a patient.  Yet, I find myself doling it out on the fly, sleep deprived (*understatement), based on varying factors - many of which can't be quantified (growth, stress, the effect activity or the weather will play on bgs that day...), while juggling all the other responsibilities of the day.

No pressure, right?

**Insulin is not administered from a medicine cup.  It must be given subcutaneously.  This is just an illustration.

Grace and the Impromptu Spelling Test

(or, maybe more appropriately titled, "Why I'm Turning Gray")

So, I was working on a spelling test with Grace.

I told her the first word is math.

She spelled it out loud m-a-t-h (when she was supposed to write it),

I high fived her and told her to go write her work,

Grace: work w-o-r-k
Me: very funny Grace
Grace: funny f-u-n-n-y
Me: Grace, go write your word
Grace: write w-r-i-t-e
Me: now
Grace: now n-o-w
Me: pronto!
Grace: pronto p-r-o-n-t-o
Me: child!
Grace: child c-h-i-l-d
Me: Get it done!
Grace: get it done g-e-t-i-t-d-o-n-e
Me: GO!
Grace: go g-o
Me: I'm going to choke you
Grace: hmmm, I-little mark at the top-m-g-o-i-n-g-t-o-c-h-o-k-e-y-o-u
Me: (I pretend I'm going to flick the end of her nose)
Grace: flick f-l-i-c-k
Me: aaaaaaghhhh!!!
Grace: aaaaaghhhh a-a-a-a....

So, at this point I'm laughing... so I stop talking and start typing some homework on my laptop...
her clever little butt says: type t-y-p-e

Pray for me...

Timing

I'm in awe of God's timing.  

He has really been showing me this week that I can trust Him.  

My husband's cousin, Richard, passed away this last week.  I only met him once.  While I was very sad for my husband and his side of our family, his death affected me in a very different, personal (albeit selfish) way.  Richard was a Type 1 Diabetic and only 31 yrs old.  I'm sure you can all imagine where my mind went with that one.  

The enemy was really using this to fill me with fear.  I was really struggling and crying out to God.  Was I doing enough to keep Faith as safe as possible? 

I have been having a terrible time with Faith's blood sugar these past few weeks (months?).  I was sure her a1c was going to be something absurd, like 15, or something.  I was so upset over her blood sugar, that I'd sent poor Dr Casas a ridiculously long email lamenting over my lack of control over her morning blood sugars.  

This was all adding up to one seriously anxious, fearful me.

The next day we had Faith's 3 month Endo appointment.  Instead of Dr C threatening to take Faith away from me because I was the worst D mom EVER (like he had in my nightmares the night before), we got great news!  Despite all the trouble we'd had over the past few months, her a1c was still great!  I can't tell you the relief that washed over me.

That night I had an orientation for my college algebra class.  During class the instructor stopped MID SENTENCE to exclaim (to me), "Wow, you look REALLY tired", before resuming lecturing without skipping a beat.  

Wow. Thanks.  If you only knew.

Despite the good news I'd gotten at Dr. C's office earlier that day, I was still in a funk.  

As I was walking out of my algebra class, I got an email from my friend, Margie.  She is the Executive Director of Tyler Type One, and one of the first people I met after Faith was diagnosed.  She and her family have become very important to me.

She had been looking through her desk THAT DAY and found the sheet of paper that she had written our info on when Dr C had called to notify her of our diagnosis.  She scanned it and sent me a picture of the page.  She said she just grabs whatever scrap of paper she can reach when he calls, and our info "just happened" to be written on her dad's ministry letterhead!  Her dad is someone that I've grown to love very much over this past year.  He has been such an encouragement to us.  

I could not have anticipated how emotional seeing that would make me.  I immediately started bawling.  (If only the professor could see me then...he'd have really thought I'd lost it...) 

It was just another small affirmation that God has been in this from the beginning and will continue to carry us the rest of the way.

It was amazing.  Like God had sent me the email himself!

The next day we had our Tyler Type One support group.  This month we had a panel of veteran type 1 families answering questions and encouraging us newbies with their stories.  One of them shared that their dad was an 87 year old type 1 diabetic that was in pretty great health.  

I SO needed to hear that this week!!

After the meeting, a friend handed me a box of infusion sets.  She had no idea, but I was down to my last one waiting for a shipment to come in!  The next morning, Faith's infusion set got pulled out causing me to have to put her last one in and the shipment didn't come in like it was supposed to.  God knew that and sent me a box the night before!  

How's THAT for perfect timing?

He really is faithful, you know?

We sang this song at church this morning and it really spoke to me:

King of Glory by Third Day

Who is this King of Glory that persues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me

Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit¹s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who's this King of glory, Son of God and son of man

His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart
The King of glory

Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the graceous King of kings
the Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me

The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things

He is the King of glory, He's everything to me 

What used to be there?

What did I used to think about?

I can't remember, but my mind is always racing - so I know there was something occupying the space that "it" now takes up.

I laid down to take a much needed nap after church today.  An hour later I looked up and realized that I had laid there thinking about "it" for at least half of my precious nap time.

"It" is diabetes.  Sometimes, I hate "it".

I laid there for an hour with my eyes closed thinking...

"Is carb factoring really superior to carb counting?  There was that one time that I used carb factoring for birthday cake and it came out great.  Is it worth the learning curve it will take to be proficient at it on the fly?  Can I even understand it?  Will Chuck be resistant to it?  Does anyone I know use it and I've just somehow missed it?  Will her a1c suffer?  Is her a1c really that good?  Is it abnormally good for a 1 yr old or are other endo's just more aggressive?  Am I doing enough?  Will Faith take good care of herself in the future?  What will I do if she doesn't?  Is it a rule that she will rebel against her diabetes care as a teen?  Is it possible she won't?  Do I know anyone who hasn't?  I need to look for someone who hasn't and study that situation.  How can I help her accept and embrace it? Oh, I hear Ruby coming...Already??  What time is it?  WHAT!??  I've been laying here for an HOUR??"

Good grief...Obsess much?  No wonder I'm tired.